9/10 witches say that my fbook profile is a better matchmaker than gothornot.com
nyc // bmore // zinester // angsty // grrl monster
she // her // hers
hoax zine tumblr
hoax zine etsy • tell yr story
nothingness
she // her // hers
hoax zine tumblr
hoax zine etsy • tell yr story
nothingness
this morning i re-read “not queer as in radical”
aka this zine
i’ve never been a fan of my own style of writing; to the contrary, i usually hate my zines & reading over my old material usually makes me feel incredibly self-conscious. however, “not queer” was just what i needed to start my morning. see, since moving back to my childhood home. i’ve been confronted with a bunch of old feelings regarding gay isolation and shame. because of both geography & my hectic school / internship / work /eldercare schedule, i spend less time in the company of gender / sexual minorities, yet alone gender / sexual minorities who openly share my politics. i’ve been four hours away from my long time partner, the lady around whom i always feel the most confident and validated. i’ve also been attempting to date, which has mostly been a disappointing & disheartening experience. for the first time in years, i’ve caught myself wishing that i could be functionally heterosexual. i recently nodded when my dad asked if i’m a lesbian & i am currently in the process of coming out to my siblings. every time the topic of my sexual preference comes up, i feel a lump in my throat. throughout this process, i’ve found myself feeling inexplicitly angry at the queer-identified cis woman who have male-identified partners or list themselves as “bisexual” on their okcupid profiles, and then i’ve hated myself for experiencing this anger. i’m not really bi-shaming or bi-phobic, i’ve just been jealous & it’s really uncool on my part. i’ve been jealous because all of my partners this year have had other partners, whereas i feel less and less capable of forming new relationships of any sort, romantic or platonic. i’ve been jealous because i hate feeling this paranoid & anxious in interpersonal situations not knowing whether others are in the know about my sexuality & i can’t ever figure out how to bring it up. i’m jealous because i really want to be able to connect to my family & to build family of my own (even though i don’t necessarily want children) & to feel respected & to be less afraid of other people’s reactions to my “lifestyle” & “preferences.” for months i’ve been stuck in shame spiral, and i found re-reading this old work of mine was somewhat helpful. it reminded me that there was a time fairly recently when i felt proud of my sexual orientation, proud enough to write a zine about how anti-lesbian stereotypes are justified by reactionary queer culture & to sell my defense online to strangers. it reminded me that my feelings of self-doubt do not exist in the vacuum of my current depression, that i’m more internalizing the misogynic and homophobia microaggressions that permeated the environment i grew up in. it’s always been a relief to depersonalize and avoid pathologizing my experiences, oddly enough i feel much more capable of making changes to the big picture of my environment. i had been panicking for days about driving up to pioneer valley this weekend to table my zines in which one of queerest locations in the country when i’m in such a shitty headspace, but re-reading “not queer” helped me feel a bit more confident. this weekend is still going to be difficult, but i trust i’ll be able to truck through it. so, see you at pioneer valley zine fest this weekend.
not gay as in happy but queer as in disillusioned & despondent
(via pastoraleglantine)
name ONE thing that isn’t permeated with indescribable horrors
(via militant)
approximately five years ago i found “the smart women’s guide to networking” on the streets of manhattan & just had to do an impromptu photoshoot
i accidentally brought one of my travel vibrators with me in my fancy lady work purse to the bar mitzvah
it must have stayed in there after a previous interview or dull professional engagement
this is a better relief than drinking
family makes me wish i didn’t exist bc without them i, you know, wouldn’t
BRUJAxCORE: I would like to revisit our understandings of race and ethnicity here
Happy Saturday, Tumblr friends. This has been sitting with me all week, and I need to work it out.** As you may have heard, the US media has gotten itself into such a clusterfuck in trying to make essentialist claims about the identity of the bombers in Boston. They not…
another 100% safe “natural high” that you can experience for 420 is crying
(Source: jobhaver)
the worst site to see on the subway after an extended afternoon sobfest is a heterosexual slow make out ses ugh
i h8 everything expect for that which is mildly tolerable
